About and journal

about the author

welcome to my little corner.

I'm an american dude in my early 20's living on the west coast. Grew up in a time where new personal sites were uncommon and social media was at its infancy so here I am. Going through neocities is adorable, I wish there were other ways of this sort of personal self-expression. Everyone on reddit and tumblr are faceless and discord is infested with weeaboos.

I'm an advocate of environmentalism and anticonsumption. I buy stuff used and I upcycle my old clothes. I've also been trying to reduce my meat intake.

guess i'll list stuff i like here.

  • Fashion - vintage workwear/military garments
  • Clothesmaking
  • Film Photography
  • Headphones and Audio Equipment
  • Interior design - Mid-century modern
  • Cooking
  • Collecting cursed images
  • Worldbuilding (Planned)
  • Horology
  • Embroidery
  • Vintage Lighters
  • Pocketknives
  • LEGO
    • games
  • [FPS] Red Orchestra 2
  • [FPS] Pre-2014 TF2
  • [FPS] Halo ODST
  • [FPS] Halo:Reach
  • [Strategy] Fire Emblem 8
  • [Strategy] Rimworld
  • [Strategy] MGS3
  • [Adventure] LSD:Dream Emulator
  • [Adventure] Minecraft beta1.7.3
  • [RPG] Maplestory Pre-Big Bang
  • [Narrative-driven] Papers, please
  • [Comfy] Animal Crossing: New Leaf
  • [comedy] Warioware
    • music artists
  • [classical] chopin, brahms, vivaldi, faure
  • [rap] milo
  • [rap] open mike eagle
  • [rap] noname
  • [rap] atmosphere
  • [indie/pop] sophie meiers
  • [indie/pop] rex orange county
  • [surf rock] the frights
  • [power metal] unleash the archers
  • [j] gontiti
  • [jpop] tomggg
  • [jpop] やくしまるえつこ
  • [jpop] ラブリーサマーちゃん
  • [jpop] ゆのみ
  • [jrap] 泉まくら
  • [jrock] シュリスペイロフ
  • [jrock] フィッシュライフ
  • [jrock] ecosystem
  • [jmetal] BAND-MAID
  • [swing] Julie London
  • [swing] Doris Day
  • [swing] Nat King Cole
    • anime
  • [suspense] Monster
  • [comedy] gintama
  • [comedy] danshikoukousei no nichijou
  • [slice of life] tamayura
  • [suffering] madoka magica
  • [suffering] Clannad: After Story
  • [objectively shit] hayate no gotoku
  • [objectively shit] Hoshizora e Kakaru Hashi
  • [objectively shit] highschool of the dead
  • [objectively shit] candy boy
  • [objectively shit] strawberry panic
    • manga
  • too many to list, mainly romance and slife of life
    • books
  • yukio mishima - confessions of a mask
  • mary roach - stiff
  • mary shelley - frankenstein
  • anne bradstreet
  • james baldwin
  • i really need to read more man
  • i really appreciate guestbook comments. questions? suggestions? death threats? reach me at http://mumblingmasochist.tumblr.com/


    I love to bury the thought of Japan in my mind for fear that I'll get into a neurotic cycle of comparing living conditions. I operate on the hopeful assumption that the novelty would wear off. Who knows when the novelty wore off here. I often contextualize patterns in my behavior during everyday life within a catharsis model. "The Best is Yet to Come." Consistent behavioral reinforcement or sustained gratification is rare for me however. I cycle though hobbies often, I resort to feel-good acts when I'm bored. I found myself stress-eating after coming home from Japan. Never knew that was in me. I guess normal people just "live" without worrying about these things. I'm someone who doesn't quite feel like they belong here. For an issue so fundamental like this, catharsis is inapplicable, useless as a cautionary tale or litmus test.


    Woke up late, exhausting week. Finished the torrrent of midterms fuckery and my language evaluation test. Ended up buying my medication without insurance because my parents are too inept to renew it on their own.

    Started 2 new camera pages. I still don't have my negatives back so I'm kinda sitting on my hands. Hopefully the Electro ones come out nice, I need something that really makes me faun over this camera. After fixing the C35's light meter I really, really like it. Small and adorable.

    Y'know my roommate is just kinda a dick. Maybe I'm the one slow to warm up and he's more comfortable with me than vice versa, but this is a new revelation. I don't care enough to talk shit about other people, really. Waste of my time.

    Started reading charlie Brooker's book "I can make you hate," sort of a collage of different newspaper articles he's done from 2008~2012.

    Staying up late to play D&D for the first time. Exciting stuff. Slow to pick up at first and is essentially a tedious free-form Fire Emblem. I'd like to help the DM out with new ideas and maybe sprites for the map. One of the auto-generated regions was named "Nambla," which is thoroughly unfortunate.

    The days really are flying by at an unbelievable pace. Any sort of linear progression will inhibit introspection and neuroticism, I guess. I'd like to elaborate more on this in my neuroticism page but man, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this.

    Also 20,000 views. huh.


    Slept for like 15 hours, it's been a while since I've done that. Waking up after dark fucking sucks but hopefully it'll kick off some introspection today. Dreamed about getting shot by a Venezualan teenager and my friend asking if you can die from osmosis while we palyed CSGO.

    I'm happy-ish with the analog cameras I have, although I still need a manual camera. Gave up on medium format, If I eventually get around to it I'll probably just service my Super Ikonta. There is one bit that scares me though. I got an OM-2N for $50 and the shipping got delayed. The moment after the purchase was finalized, I was kinda put off cameras in general. My "ideal" collection is still not finished, no matter how amorphous that may be, but just buying an SLR brought me close to complete disinterest.

    My roommate brought up something like the "cycle of hedonism," and it's eerily relevant to my state of mind right now. Where the pursuit of materialistic items is more fulfilling than the items itself. I'll have to hunt him down and ask what the exact term was. When I was really depressed I made an active effort to avoid being a materialist. Maybe I'm back at a point of mental instability and my maladaptive behaviours have manifested in new ways. It's refreshing to think about, in a strange way. The life I'm living right now is an anomaly and the nagging suspicison that things are quite off was right.

    Taking a step back, I haven't been particularly engrossed in anything for the past month. No TV, no manga, no anime, no games, no reading, just a very surface-deep engagement with all of them.

    Study abroad will be an interesting experience. Race, citizenship, and ethnicity as so closely intertwined that a guy like me doesn't exist in the public consciousness. According to the book I've been reading I'm more likely to be classified as hearing or learning impaired than asian-american. Will I be able to cope with such social isolation? Will I just brush it off? Will I present more of my American side if it's advantageous?

    I do plan on rewriting some pages today, some of them really are schizophrenic sounding. Writing is an interesting one too. Looking back on even just reddit comments makes me go, "Fuck, I wrote that?"

    Running out of food. I've been really battering my body with shit food, I think. Greater appreciation for mom. Thanks mom.


    got muh OM-2n. It's shockingly small, comparatively tall to the C35 even. I'll have to think long and hard about whether the dependence on battery use is worth the option for aperture-priority and the better metering. Still keeping my eye out for an OM-1 tho, I can always just resell. If you're looking for an OM-2 here's a great deal. Just buy a 50mm 1.8 and you're set.

    Created dualidentity.html. Now that's a page I have to be in the right mood for.

    Started watching Tsurezure Children and man is the manga better. Building atmosphere really is everything. Danshikoukousei no Nichijou did continues to be my benchmark. I also forgot the first chapter references prostitution, that's pretty gross. Still one of my favorite romance series though.

    also GL has medicinal properties


    Utterly exhausting week.

    lots of plans for catharsis, hobbies, nostalgia, and feelindown tho.

    Ebay codes have stopped :(


    on 20 minutes of sleep.

    Stayed up all night watching japanese dramas. nodame cantabile, don quixote, fill me up with that nostalgia.

    Feeling like absolute shit, had to go back to campus for a textbook to do an assignment. 3-6-7-hw-sleep

    Installed Ubuntu MATE on the laptop I dropeed, it's easy enough to use and it's perfect for a productivity laptop. I'll have to look for alternative programs that are on my main PC, mostly osrting and archiving. (MP3Gain, MP3tag, Bulk rename utility, etc.) It'll be a slow trickle, I bet. Might even switch distros, MATE kinda reminds me of android.


    Dreamed about Charlie Brooker's 2018 Wipe. A man can dream.

    Finished Beelzebub. There's a strange flavor of isolation, strangely. Danshokoukousei no nichijou did atmosphere really well, it turns out.

    Voice actinga and visuals were great though.

    Listening more of The Moth.


    oh god just freebase the nostalgia into my crundle

    Played lots of trading card games while I was little, and I bought this purely by impulse 3 years ago. I'm anal about anything I spend my money on but this was an exception, and I don't it regret it one bit.

    There's something satisfying about physical cards in front of you compared to pictures online. Maybe it's the foil.

    Got some neat Patagonia stickers in the mail today. I was also looking forward to some from Sierra Club but after seeing an environmentalism documentary I'm not so fond of them anymore.


    if i make this study abroad happen what would i do with my data? beefed laptop? mini itx PC?

    another utterly ehausting day. Fantasizing about studying abroad and the short nap i had kept me up, probably 4 hours of sleep.

    back home, then off again for textbooks at the library. Hurriedly took notes, then another bus to the grocery store.

    So this is what starving feels like, huh?


    I've spent around $300 on food over 4 month, ~$75 a month. Not bad when paired with the $100 or so I got from experiements. Tuition and rent are brutally expensive though.


    Ebay codes stopped for real this time. Probably made ~$100 so far, mainly small stuff like film and an i-clicker for class. Will lessen the impact of a $70 camera, I think. Got like 5 rolls of C200 and 3 rolls of Ektar.

    Fixed the light meter on the C35 but I don't hear the shutter speeds changing. Sucks man. Started bidding seriously on OM-2N's. Also considered the OM-1N for the manual goodness but I like the aperture priority that the OM-2N offers, and I'll be using batteries with either witht hem anyway.

    I really need to think about the cameras I'm looking to buy and the roles they will fill. The C35 is still busted and the Electro is really strange. Automated but slow to focus, Rangefinder but huge. It is really going to be that one outlier camera, I think. Fixed the double bag manpurse. A bit rough around the edges but I'm curious to see how it actually works.

  • If I died this moment, what would I regret?
  • Do I crave physical and emotional intimacy?
  • Do I fly out of bed every morning? Napping?
  • I have been more positive in my journaling though, absolutely no question. I can probably bitch until the end of times about myself and my country. Venting doesn't feel productive or gratifying anymore. There's still bits of my life that I need to elucidate, and I should allocate my emotional investment into that. Been talking aobut more deep shit about my roommate on the weekends or when we get drunk. It's nice. Small talk feels superficial.

    dekpi and unimaginable-heights added links to my page on their sites. That's nice.


    Another truly hectic, awful week. Parents fucked up filing insurance, which they found out after I told them. Walking to the pharmacy takes 40+ minutes, and I did that for 4 days straight. Still don't have my medication. Really can't trust them for anything.

    My language proficiency exam is in 2 days but I've been so busy I can't make time to study for it. If I fuck up that, that's it. My future is fucked, my housing is fucked, my class load will be fucked. The prof's own language abilities seem not quite native which gives me hope, but my writing might be fucked beyond redemption.

    Been eating like shit too, carbs and instant meals for days.


    15,000 page views. I don't think I've done something that reached 15,000 anything, except maybe apoptosis.

    Definitely went a bit too passionate on the last journal. Painful to read, but I still stand by my thoughts. I just need to frame them more elegantly, I guess.

    Started 4 new pages: catharsis, hobbies, communitycollege, and feelindown. Want to talk more about how I deal with various themes in my life.

    Lots of rain these days. Was talking about shooting film around the dorms but everything looks grey and grotty. Almost got hit by a car, I genuinely considered if shuffling out of the way was a good call. Free tuition?


    This series really kills me. Edgy romance media is a big genre in Japan, most are gutter trash operating on shock, mainly. This one though kills me. The ambiguity of one's motives, your wavering perception of time, the isolation of post-modern Japan, this series hits it all. Can you even call what the main character is feeling "romance"? It goes far beyond the forbidden fruit teacher-student trope to occupy a modern narrative about navigating intrapersonal relationships in the present and elucidating your past. The characters are relatable. The palpable ambiguity is understandable. There's no bad guys, only those who are misguided. And god dammit these two are made for each other.

    Reading through any romance series worth its weight elicits a sort of libido in the reader. Some sort of animalistic anticipation mixed with rabid curiosity. There's much on the line after all, sometimes the author butchers the story beyond comprehension. Other times, a favorable outcome is met and you're left with the warm afterglow of satisfaction, not unlike orgasm.

    There's a similar story that culminated on more...unfortunate terms, but the catharsis theme was explicit and the conclusion followed it dilligently. I'm going to thoroughly sulk in my sheets if this one doesn't end favorably.

    Isn't this supposed to be a journal?

    One of the assigned school readings on conceptions of development was mind-blowing. Connected so many loose ends and it recontextualizes what western ethnocentrism really comes from, and how it has influenced US foreign policy for the last 70 years. Here's a link and some very notable highlights:


    Today was an odd one. Stress from the get-go by getting dropped from one of classes, still waitlisted on another. I really don't want a 7~10PM class. Finished? my new index page. It looks pretty neat I think, a few kinks to work out. I also want to put a gif on the lower rights, that would be fun. Started on a 2018 recap page and man do I have nothing to write about.

    Roommate got drunk, we shot the shit. Spoke about our families, how we judge other people, how we regard "unhealthy" habits. He asked me if I was gay which is a new one.

    Not feeling too hot.


    More $5 ebay codes :)

    First week of classes is always hectic. Picking your courses, scheduling, and this time around, I had my study abroad applications to do.

    You heard me right, I'm going for it. My constant obsession, what my life has revolved and speculated around, is finally a possibility. I slept for 4 hours, agonizing over University choices, finishing the essay questions, and printing on campus. Like a hands-free orgasm when I left that clusterfuck of a hall, arms both liberated of paperwork. My application may get denied of course, but it's an immense relief to finally have an impact on something that I've been neurotically fantasizing for years.

    Roommate saw a girl dressed in an anime shirt and seifuku skirt that looked exactly like me. god i wish

    So far there's been no shocking revelations about living here yet, maybe I just missed my parents. That's another new sensation.

    I fucking dropped my laptop, bought a new M.2 SSD and considering going Linux for the first time. Not a gaming machine, and my only concern is that it can accomodate my data hoarding. I really hope I can get something off of the dead drive, Bunch of stuff I neglected to back up on there.


    No more $5 ebay codes :(

    Heading home and oh my lord train delays for days.The morning was hectic as always, finished the kimono 10 minutes from leaving. This time around I'm leaving with less mixed feelings. I know I can come back during spring break so that calms my nerves. Decided to take portraits of my parents next time. I had just finished a roll and I was getting tired of C200 and Ektar isn't good for skin tones. Ended up bringing back tons of food, pants/jacket dyed black, Kimono, and the Red Wing chukkas. Decided against the Girards because they'd just get stepped on in the lecture halls. Also brought back some undeveloped rolls of film from the garage, they might be pretty faded though. Both hands are full so I left the lavender sprouts with my parents. Didn't bring the OM-10 with me either, something about SLRs just don't sit well with me. Looked at Zorki 4K's and Retina IIC's. Bretty cool 35mm alternatives. My grandad's Super Ikonta sits at home. I could send it off for a CLA and it would fill a niche in my collection being a 120 camera that's shockingly small. The lens developed fungus while I was gone and the shutter no longer cocks properly. Probably would cost ~$175 + shipping. Overall, a great trip home. Met some buds, made some clothing, ate some food. Oh, and my sis sent me this.

    M A O N

    I'd like to do a 2018 recap page, will probably split up with journal page as well. I have quite the laundry list to take care of before classes begin Monday, so that'll have to wait. Atleast one of my roommates are back. On snapchat it seemed like everyone was dreading coming home, everyone unwinds at the end of the year it seems. I did meet a guy on campus after he saw my camera and we were talking about taking pictures together. Maybe next week. I also need to be more involved with clubs but it really is tiring seemingly "flirting" with japanese guys to get through their emotional barrier.

    The dorms and home couldn't be more paradoxical. I enjoy being solitary while surrounded by people I'm 100% comfortable with. I can get more done in regards to what I'm into without hesitation. The dorms are sensory overload. The only time to unwind is when my roommate is out. Once I step into the living room, I'm in public. I'm not a particularly strong advocate for living in libraries and I really can't imagine somewhere else where I can be comfortable. For what it's worth, I may as well make adjustments to my room so I'm ergonically comfy. Chair is ass, bed and shoes indoors I really can't do anything about. There's a certain R-rated anecdote that happened between me and my roommate but I don't think I'd write it down even on an offline journal. It was pretty funny tho.

    Yeah. Just busy. No real time to get sentimental or too introspective.

    Train ride went from 4 to 8 hours, I'm just lucky it wasn't raining when I got here. Walk to the bus stop was pretty brutal, sidewalks and streetlights are a novel concept apparently. If I was a woman I would've 100% taken a lyft.



    Blew away my apprehension. Meeting with the guys was fantastic and we shot the shit like always. Went to korean BBQ and holy shit did their siblings get huge. We spoke about our majors, stuff we're into, and as always the conversation turned deep with some social theory debates. One of them remarked,"my roommates are fucking stupid," so seems like I'm not the only one who finds these rare interactions valuable. Wore these things:

    Still ambivalent about them. I'm not a huge fan of chukkas and the color only goes well with a wool scarf I have. Personally I think the Postman Chukka looks much better, the one-piece sole complementing the simplicity of the chukka's upper.

    But Red Wing for $40 is unbeatable and the quality is amazing.

    Been watching Aslan from Negative Feedback although his uploads are rather sparse. His "favorite things," is a brilliant format I think. Recaps of clothing, movies, books, TV. Just stuff you've been into. Another spin on logging your life in video form.

    He's got pretty fantastic taste even if his clothing leans towards basics. Would be exciting to see if he develops a specific interest within fashion.

    Ebay likes to spring up $5 off codes pretty often. Nendoroid, OM-2N, 50mm 1.8, Red Wing Postmans, cycling through all my bookmarks. Have made $20 so far.

    Spending new years with the fam, cleaning to prepare for the new year. Toshikoshi soba and other non-thematically consistent dishes becuase my dad threw a hissy fit at the grocery store. What the fuck dad, you're 60. Watching Gaki Tsuka as always. The grey-haired TV anchor who sexually harrassed a coworker and got fired was on, so was the guy with no arms who also cheated on his wife. Fucking gross. It's opposite in Japan where universally derided figures are picked up and promoted by companies. Different stripe of moral bankrupcy, but it's all the same. Other than that, this show will split your abs into chocolate bars. I love how they play with the artificiality of TV, someone forgetting their lines or reacting genuinely makes everything that much funnier.

    Grandma usually doesn't have access to the internet but my sister went over so we spoke over skype. She's as lively as ever, thankfullyl.

    New Years resolutions. I explicitly set mine as something ambiguous last year because 2017 was pretty shit for me. 2019? :thinkingemoji:


    holy fug another guestbook comment. Really need to update my index page.

    got back into kancolle, what a mistake. I by far enjoy heavy cruisers the most, medium HP and damage along with their torpedo ability make them very versatile. Destroyers are pretty much ASW duty only. I got houshou back after carelessly sinking her last time. I can see why she's not particularly popular. only 2 aircraft slots and the historical trivia behind her ship really limits how OP she can be relative to others. Ooi and Kitagami

    Playing through the game itself is a careful balance between managing your character slots and the slow grinding. Really sucks that lots of characters require items to modernize, kills incentive to continiue. The use of alternate art is honestly baffling. Hours of work just to be used in introduction and main menu screens. 70% of the time you're looking at the grotesque default art. But yeah, the game eventually bottlenecks into the free game dilemma. Make the game compelling enough to continue, but set roadblocks so it's a mixed unpaid experience. The real thrill was the half year or so of looking up stuff on the wiki and finally getting that one character. Man if there were an offline mode I'd obsessively marathon it thousands of times over like old GBA games.

    Picked up a pair of Red Wing 9090's from Nordstrom Rack for $150. Black featherstone leather, 270 welt, Japan/Singapore exclusive, MSRP ~500USD. They're factory seconds but as always I can't find anything wrong with them. I agonized over this purchase and I still think I'm going to return them. I do like how they look and $150 isn't a bad price, but they're a bit dadish and wrinkles on the moc toe scare me. I've seen pictures of these boots that have aged gracefully but I'm not so sure about mine. Not to mention I've never spent this much on boots. If I was in my thirties and had an actual job them I'd keep them no question, this fills that semi-dress shoe slot. In the mean time, a Red Wing Postman would better suit my wardrobe at the moment.

    Tried cleaning the Zuiko 50mm 1.4 but I'll have to wait. Disassembling lenses on your bed with a sewing needle isn't exactly sane.

    I'll be meeting with some old buds in 2 days. I wonder why I'm always so apprehensive about meeting with them. I always come out of it thankful that I went, too.


    Off to the fabric store, got some linen once again. This time it's thick enough to make a jacket. How sane is using upholstery fabric for clothing though?

    Picked up my 8x10" prints from walgreens. 1 is from the Lovely Sweet Dream artbook, 2 are from my favorite manga series. Ehh. The latter 2 didn't come out looking too hot, dunno if CVS does better with their prints.

    More guestbook comments. Made me realize I need to recontextualize my experiences and see what I can do to improve my enjoyment at college. The resources are out there, I've just been unwilling to use them correctly. Creative writing hasn't been on my radar for a good while. I'm a huge fan of flowery 18th century prose.

    "I love 18th century science writing because the humanity of it. The exhilaration of discovery and triumph had not yet been stripped away. Check out Spallanzani's next line: 'Thus did I succeed in fecundating this quadruped; and I can truly say that I have never received greater pleasure upon any occasion since I have cultivated experimental philosophy' You can practically hear the champagne corks popping, the whelps yipping underfoot."

    If I did start writing it would probably read a lot like Yoshimoto Banana's Kitchen. I also really want to make a page on Isekai Manga. It is the Japanese experience distilled in ink form.

    What I've been binging recently:

    alduin is my waifu


    Some odd rain goin on.

    Dreading going back to the dorms honestly. Finished the British army DPM shirt, here's a before/after.

    A bit iffy on the Anorak, the linen I have is shirt weight so it won't drape like a typical jacket. Best case would be to double layer so it becomes reversible, although that would be difficult and I don't have a complementary color fabric.

    Thinking of modifications to the hanten. Pockets, shaw collar? This one is also shirt weight so anything obnoxious would just break up a perfectly fine siloutte.

    Got drunk and cooked with my parents, thematically it was all over the place. Fish and fondue, cranberry cake and tiramisu. Have to make up for lost time since I can never get my hands on fish back home. Merry Christmas everyone.


    holy fuck a third guestbook comment, I'm quaking with delight.

    Finished a piece of clothing, fantastic feeling. Pockets maybe?

    Sewing really breaks my conception of what a hobby occupies. It challenges my patience, yet there's immediate gratification. It tests my tolerance for ambiguity, but it also rewards spontaneous ideas. Like photography I feel it changing how I think. Relative to all my other hobbies that are more sedate, it's a new experience. It's also unspeakably satisfying to own something that's a perfect reproduction of your own desires.

    Interesting video about a schizophrenic programmer's homegrown OS, complete with hymns and oracle. Really makes you wonder how different life was pre-internet. What people valued, spent their life on. Davis is an extreme example of living in a vaccuum.

    As I wrote in my nostalgia page, I really miss personal videos like this. Much of my sub box seems disingenuous and forgettable. Been also watching Jerma's House Flipper streams, probably around 15 hours total. Rare for him to play something consecutively and it's genuinely enjoyable to watch. New index page for this site is on the chopping block, an Anorak and another Hanten are also in the works. Walgreens is also doing free 8x10 prints and I was thinking of art from this adorable romance manga. Up to me whether I have the balls to put that up in the dorm I guess. I have until 12pm to decide.


    Homemade fries for breakfast. That and shockingly sweet coffee in a tall mug takes me back to childhood.

    10,000 page views, I wished Neocities had an accurate breakdown of who's visiting and which ones are just me editing. Some pages like the "games" pages have definitely seen more neglect than this one. A new index page would be nice. Thanks to all who have endured my verbal diarrhea.

    After much deliberation I've started making clothing. I'm fairly impatient but there is an element of zoning out and getting engaged that I really enjoy. Usually I shed most hobbies for being too pointless but not clothesmaking. Not like a hobby need to have a pragmatic purpose. I just gravitate towards those that are. I'll post more pictures once I make something presentable. I brought 8 yards of cloth, hopefully that yields me 4 articles of clothing. Have 3 in mind right now, but I'd like to think of something more ambitious.

    Met with my high school counselors to say hello. Although my problems didn't end there, that particular school kept me from dropping out completely. So that was nice.


    Sleep schedule still fucked, been watching Jerma pretty much non-stop.

    Discovered the Art of Photography and it's actually a really nice channel. The guy who runs it reminds me of my archaeology prof and he seems really genuine and knowledgeable.

    Negative Feedback is also well edited and fun to watch, especially their travel videos. Found this channel through an Ektar 100 review.

    Bad news for the OM-10. The front element in the fungus-ridden 50mm 1.4 and 100mm 2.8 cannot be disaassembled. Might as well try, but it looks like it isn't coming home with me. New lenses are ~$30 but the ebay bidding is like black friday. SLRs are neat to use though. Might try to find an OM-1.

    Spoke with my sister again. She found coming home over break restricting, which was a surprise. No doubt she enjoyed her roommates and freedom afforded by living near a college town. Conversely I find it relaxing, I no longer feel like I'm in public while I'm home. She's got plans to Vietnam and New Zealand, she's definitely a doer. Makes me wonder how she stayed sane in the monotony of suburban life. Maybe we're not that far off, I've only a had a handful of "real shit" conversations with her. I need more of those.

    We talked of our communal lust of nendoroids which is also very serious. She's been cycling through Conan, Idolish 7, Touken Ranbu, that sort. Japanese society is enthusiastically cyclical but it always hurts when you sense a fandom start to die. I've been eyeing a kimono body but parts only is hard to find. Will probably resort to cannabilizing other sets. Reimu is also adorable.

    Inuko from Yurucamp is also coming out, If I don't preorder it'll probably shoot up in price like the others.

    I don't remember my new year's resolution, wasn't in the best mental state last year. What should this year's be?


    Back home, eating actual food now. Going to hop on that sewing machine like a hot cock

    AC:Pocket camp is great. Not a shred of malice in the entire game. Was about to rekindle my interest in a 2DS but ehh. I swear if this awakens something in me.....

    Fingerfucking my grandad's OM-10 again, everything seems to run fine. Lenses have been foreclosed by fungus. Sucks that it needs batteries and it's a bit cheap feeling relative to the OM1 or 2 but I quite like it. Now if only I could get into SLRs as a whole. Also the Electro 35 is redic big for a rangefinder.

    A certain well-received camera review site by a guy named Ken led me to his Mercedes review ranting about Ford's "socialist worker unions." Old conservative white guy overstates his knowledge, what a grim reality.

    Have a picture of my lavender.

    I'm a lazy piece of shit so I'm uploading to imgur instead of neocities directly. Imgur periodically recycles its URLs so this should be interesting. There was a benign 2y old post on /r/goodyearwelt about leather boots that was replaced with furry porn. Bravo.

    As I said before I'm pretty satisfied in regards to my hobbies. The DT770 + AKG K240 combo scratched my audio itch. Both offer incredible sound with different applications and considering I always play something in the background, have been an incredibly useful invesment.

    Camera-wise there's a few expensive stuff I have my eye on and I'd love to fix my Konica C35 but My Electro 35 is a joy to use. Still on the fence about getting a lens for that OM-10. So where do I go from here?

    Clothing is the obvious answer and thankfully, I'm not particularly enthused with anything offered for sale that's under $500. Will continue to stick with modifying dirt-cheap military surplus and sewing up my own garments. I might get back into airsoft but honestly there's no rifles that are particularly compelling to me at the moment. Buying a $100 CYMA just to "get in" seems like a waste of money that could've gone further somewhere else. GBBRs remain cost prohibitive, at around $400 for a rifle + mags. Gear wise I'd love a harness and back panel. A British PLCE could fill the void at around $60 but then again, gear is a pointless moneysink if I don't play. Still very fun contemplating what's practical and cost effective tho.


    Finals week is something special. The second-hand music in the dorms stop, the study halls and library become engorged with students, it's a unique atmosphere. People on their toes and there's a strange camaraderie between everyone.

    I'm going home after finals. 2 weeks? I have no idea. Bringing fabric so I can make clothes, and the camera so I can take pics. Found a place that develops for around $4 a roll, but I have no idea if I did good enough on the light seals. I will cry if 2 of my rolls are blessed with orange streaks across it. I'll finally be able to eat something green, no more sausages and retort pouches.

    For once I'm appreciative at the hobbies I have at hand, I'm satisfied. All that's left is to figure how the rest of my life is going.


    oh boy, here we go. 2 exams and an essay. No idea what my grades are like atm, probably drifitng around a low B. Did some more uni experiments, made around $50 so far. Makes up for the cost of a month or two's groceries.

    CSGO went free and I got back into assassin's creed:pocket camp. Feels much faster and you have the option to skip dialogue now. Don't know how long it'll stick but it's a sedate, comfy game that's rare for me. Might as well enjoy it.

    Processing film is really fucking expensive. Kinda defeats the point of cheap film. I do enjoy photography


    I watched Yuyushiki and the plot is as schizophrenic as the manga. I really wish it was a tad more comfy like Yuru Yuri, then It could become my go-to background noise show. Couldn't finish Tamayura, I'm not strong enough. I want to finally see Aria too.

    I was also thinking of getting a nendroid, either a Yurucamp or Hayate No Gotoku one. Beats the fuck out of a normal figure which i also own

    Tumblr is banning porn, time to jump ship. Living here has really solidified my hate for trap music. Satire usually requires exaggeration and most rap music doesn't leave much leeway. Walls are also hella thin. I also can't call pinterest "the anus of the internet" anymore because every girl i've spoken to uses it.

    I really do think I've just become acclimated to my roommates. My daily routine and how comfortable I am in my own house could've been better. There's a sensation that I'm in public while living here, not the most comforting.

    I really do sound negative but I feel like I've been blowing through the weeks without much to show for it. Been thinking about nostalgia.

    How I regard nostalgic memories continues to be a cocophany of emotions. Fondness, regrets, yearning. I do my best to avoid ambiguity, yet this aspect of my life has remained indeterminate. I don't know what mindset is right for me when looking back, nor do I have any external references in how others do it. And I don't how it has influenced my behavior today. I'd like to say it hasn't, but there's "zero" days where I choose to isolate myself from anything meaningful. Mind you, this is when I have time to myself. I get my shit done to whatever degree is neccessary, yet I struggle in managing my personal life. Time and time again there's limitless potential on the web, yet I often avoid the things I really enjoy. Research about a next purchase? Headphone forums and Analog photography groups? Easy. Finding new music? Manga? Anime? Movies? I avoid it. Anything that would remain as a lasting, emotional memory has some threshold I just can't get over.

    There's definitely some uncomfortable truth about how I regard life progress, and nostalgia continues to drop convoluted little croutons.

    Might expand my page on it.


    Holy fuck it's been over a week already

    Closing vibes in class, just 3 weeks left. DT770's came in and they are AMAZING. Velour pads disappear on your head, the clamp force is perfect. Soundstage is decent but it'll take a while before I can judge the sound. Got it used for $50USD, pretty much 1/3 of MSRP. The cable cuts in/out so off to the soldering iron. The lavender I planted 19 days ago finally sprouted. 1 out of 60 seeds ain't bad.

    Shot the second roll of Fuji on the broken C35. Fingers crossed for my janky ass night shots. I calculated the cost between $2 24-roll Fuji and $7 36-roll Ektar, 29 cents per shot vs 33. Maybe I'll just give the 2 other rolls away as the Fuji isn't terribly cost-effective. Campus is a great location to shoot still. Earth science building was great with the customized professors' offices. Hesitation and ineluctable dread in sending them off to be developed. I need to know how I did in metering and replacing light seals but that shit is expensive.

    Could do better on food but I'm eating well. Costco Tamales and sausages.


    Killed that exam. Got the Electro 35 working, the C35's light meter is busted, that really sucks. Staying home for thanksgiving, all but one of my roommates are visiting home. Planning to spend that time snapping pictures, journaling, and finally tackling some of my lingering thoughts. Might also get to work on organizing this unreadable mess of a page.

    Will I regret it? Possibly. Should I explore more clubs and places to meet people? Definitely. Should I have met the fam? Absolutely. The $90 round-trip ticket is a bit much and I'm planning to facetime during dinner.


    Went downtown with my roommmate and his gf to the camera store downtown. Seemed to be more focused on digital cameras, but they had a few vintage 35mms and a fridge full of film. Grabbed 2 rolls of Ektar for $7 each, which beats the shit out of Amazon. Their display shelf was also really cool with some Brownies, Yashica TLR's, and is that an Electro 35?

    Turns out shit up there was also up for sale, so this came home with me. How convenient. $20 bucks and it's in pretty great condition. The 45mm lens is gorgeous and the camera itself is substantial, reminds me of full sized-SLRs. It's an automatic aperture-only camera so it's a step forward from the small and light C35. That thing is the definition of point-and-shoot. SLRs should have more options but they're not terribly compelling to me at the moment. Two complaints though. The original and inferior Yashica G had a cooler checkered body, and the light seals on this thing are pretty hard to replace.

    Considering going home for thanksgiving next week. Atleast then I'll get 3 full days with the family. IF I do I'll bring the C35 and Fuji 200 film. Still waiting on those batteries though. Got back into CSGO for a bit. There's a laundry list of unexploited marinating thoughts I have, but this exam tomorrow takes precedence.


    Replaced the light seals on the C35, film in the fridge, all that's left is the batteries to come in.


    Trying to make a tabbed page for this journal à la turd but no dice. See my pitiful progress here.


    Caught up with my canadian buds over discord, played games which I hadn't done for 4+ weeks. 100% OJ, Insurgency, Payday, good stuff. Payday 2 seems like a massive hassle with all the broken mods and Borderlands 2 wasn't particularly compelling to me. The dorm wifi is redick. 30mb/s downloads.

    Really considering buying a graphics card now, a used 750 or 1050 ti. Recontextualizing where gaming stands within my hobbies. I love to emphasize practicality above all else (clothing, headphones) but I wouldn't have met my buds in the first place if it wasn't for gaming. Lots of good memories captured in video and screenshots too. So in that regard games have a potentially high return: I used to just think of them as cathartic timesinks. Wanted to do a mini-ITX Ryzen 2400G build but RAM is still kinda expensive and I'd have to use Windows 10, fuck that noise.

    Bought new light seals and some cheap Fujicolor 400 film. Guess I'm actually getting into photography now. If all goes well I'll move onto Ektar 100. Not too concerned about getting an Electro 35 but i'd be nice if I can snag one for under $20USD. Same goes for DT770 headphones. I also got Lavender seeds, going to plant them in red solo cups. The fact that they take 2+ weeks to germinate is nuts.

    got to episode 5 in Beelzebub.As expected the characters are great and there's enough lusty anime dudes to go around. It managed to translate the softness and detail of the manga's art into literal visual softness.

    Does a decent job considering most anime have very hard lines. I don't care much for the structured drama in every episode but you can't win em all. I also felt like they could've done more to improve the atmosphere of the show, even when adhering closely to the manga. Danshi koukousei did an excellent job and despite the lack of background characters, it never felt empty.

    I'm really glad I started Neocities. Still no idea how to make a non-abhorrent site but it coherently organizes my thoughts on anything, complete with dates and pictures. Plus I get feedback occasionally which is just wonderful. Can't do that shit with Notepad.


    Did alright on my midterms. Was a 3.3ish student in community college but I might actually do better here.

    Sewing machine this weekend? Crossing all my appendages so this happens. Clothing ideas been stewin for 2 months now.

    Still debating whether to get into photography. It's an involved (unsurprisingly) and somewhat expensive (surprisingly) hobby. The documentary on Natgeo photographers was enjoyable. Rangefinders are my jam rn, looking at Electro 35's.

    Costco food runs are paying off, finally pooping solids. Their brie beats the shit out of anything at Trader Joe's too.

    A bunch of manga that I really enjoyed have gotten animated but haven't gotten myself to watch them yet. Surely they can't be as good. Regardless, started on Beelzebub. Fuck animation has gotten good. Also pirated Tamayura for the megacomfy. I'm also the kind of person who cries watching Tamayura so that'll be an occurence quite well into the future.

    Have a gif.


    off to the parents' during the weekend. As always US public transport is hilariously underdeveloped. Ate like a king and brought back some clothes. Didn't have enough time to touch the sewing machine unforunately. Grandad's 35mm cameras emerged from the garage, never seen them before. Olympus OM-10 and a Minolta Hi-Matic F, both in great condition.

    They don't go for much but it's nice having something from my grandad that isn't totally obselete. Decided not to bring them with me, will be using my Konica C35 without a shred of guilt for beating it up. A roll of film is $10+cost to send to a lab, that sucks.

    It was a bit surreal going back home honestly. Packing was depressing enough, strip-mining it for anything worth bringing with me. I can rest easy with no roommates but it felt really insulated honestly. Galvanizes my drive to develop my personal life at the dorms. Really did miss my parents though, which I didn't really expect. Dad is the kind of guy that stays constant but apparently he would close my room's door because he would peek in and get lonely when I'm not there. Huh. Since we don't have a scale at our dorms I found that I lost 4 pounds due to my povertychow. That can't be good.


    Pipebomber got arrested. What a truly bizarrre timeline.

    Fucking killed those 2 exams, what a fantastic feeling. Section right after I was late to, but the TA said "fuck it."

    Going home this weekend apparently. Planned it last minute, 6pm to 12pm for $35. Brutal. IF I'm paying $20 for a haircut might as well meet the folks and have Dad cut it.

    Wondering whether I should bring cloth. 6 more yards should be in the mail for me too. Def bringing my laundry that I'm too lazy to do.

    Got the camera and it seems to function $100. Need to figure out the film and ISO settings, how to properly clean the lens, and maybe getting a UV filter. Very exciting.


    Charm of the school libaray's fashion books are wearing off now, Instagram or /malefashion seems much more condusive to finding novel inspo. Historical background of clothing is still super rad, especially non-western clothing that doesn't get much of the spotlight. I learned that I really don't like collars. Useless, vestigial little things. Really focusing on layers, drapeyness, and eccentuating the neckline for my next projects.

    Camera coming tomorrow, going to be one of those backburner projects. Probably not an off and on thing like embroidery is.


    Stayed up til 4 talking about insulation and interior design with my roommate. Other roommate is in the drunk tank. Shoes indoors will also never not be gross. So inconvenient and disgusting, constantly worrying where you put your shit, whether you're crawling into bed with dirty feet. All so you can just walk inside your home. Ridiculous.

    Sewing machine still not in my hands, getting blue balls now. Still need to get darker fabric but in the meantime, thinking of garments. Probably going to make a Hanten or Anorak.

    I bought a camera. A Konica C35 Auto for $15USD. Guess I have to get into photography now. I'm starting to notice that most of the vintage stuffI accumulate is mostly Japanese, most from the 70's.

    Classes aren't going well. Not feeling too well either.


    Slept from 4am~7PM, nice.

    My throte feels like shit, Tonsil woes for days. My ears are fucked from so much sneezing, hopefully I don't develop tinnitus or something.

    Went to the club BBQ yesterday, was on some kind of rooftop. Good experience talking to people and I got some burgahs. The black guy who's a graduate was a particularly interesting figure. Said he drove 3 hours for it, which is some respectable dedication. Talked about Jojo, gunpla, etc. I really need to cut my hair.

    The mandatory drug/sensitivity training was an experience. Interesting seeing the white guys get belligerent when it came to the diversity /sexual harrassment section.

    My linen and machine pedal got here, all that's left is the machine itself this wednesday. Linen was $15/Yard and is leaps and bounds from that 55/45 linen/cotton blend. Cool to the touch, amazing texture, still very soft. It is cream colored though so I'm pretty limited to making shirts. Looking at chitons and wrap-around collar shirts for inspo. Brown/Blue will be for outerwear.

    Not feeling too hot. Need to spend some time to reassess where I'm at.


    Night on the couch was pretty bad. The beer+coffee shits are going to be bad. I just remember groping my roommate while we were cooking at 2am yesterday. Oh, and staring at ants on the counter because we have a bit of an infestation. Made some wonderful pasta though. Fuck egg noodles are good.

    Every class has a "drop in during office hours so I can give you points" kinda deal. One prof in particular. very eccentric with wide, bulging eyes and silver hair. Looks like he carries some lineage from goblins. Definitely the kind of guy who has gone through a lot but has managed to stay abidingly positive. He's running some sort of uncertified therapist ring apparently, people just open up in front of him. It's all very topical to the class so it's alright that he gets paid for it. I've been kneading my brain to think of something to shoot the shit with but I can't settle on one. Can't organize my emotions properly. Do I talk about neuroticism? I haven't even collated my thoughts into a neocities page yet. Life progress? Probably too predictable for a prof that teaches in a top 10 public school. Going to go out tonight to take a good look at where my life is at rn, haven't done that in a good bit.

    running critically low on food my dude. only vegetables I've eaten are raw carrots and parsley. finna get gout and scurvy in the 21st century.


    On my stereo. The gain booster is actually quite something, bumps up the bass and treble by 4~5db. Really complements the K240 Sextetts.


    fuck me dead i got a second comment on my guestbook. get hype

    Ordered 3 yards of brown linen and got plans to buy a used machine. Thinking of either a kimono or Kapital overshirt clone. I also need to finish my stricharn man-purse. Keys, wallet, and suncreen is a pain to carry around every day. Considering buying a british DPM jacket to dye black and add zippers to. At $15USD it's definitely cheaper in material costs. Can't dye anything here tho. Also took a dip into the library to discover almost a full shelf of books related to historical clothing. By far my favorite was a book published in the 60's decrying the utlitarian merits of modern clothing. Just page after page of denouncing epaluettes, lapels, false pockets, etc. Was a quote that went something like "If savages are entranced with glass beads, the civilized world is infatuated with vestigial additions on their clothing." Another published in 1869 on clothing and armor. Tons of potential inspo in there. So excited to reanimate one of my hobbies.

    Loosely watched "man in the high castle" with a roommate. Alternate reality show where the Axis wins in WWII and colonizes the US. It was alright. Sets were gorgeous, if a bit empty, but the props and clothing was great. None of the characters were particularly likable, which was worrying. The cowboy cosplayer is truly an awful one-dimensional character. Meh.

    Kavanaugh's in. I can feel my life getting successively worse by the day. Begrugingly got Amazon prime for students. bezos can aspirate on biowaste

    Still confused as fuck regarding the class load. Should I be shitting myself raw right now? Or is it not all that different from community college, only 150X more expensive? I really need to find a spot to just chill and think about life. Too much going on at the dorms, and there's no gaps of silence or any semblance of privacy.

    Onto my reserve of frozen ground turkey now. Made some baller pasta and froze some meatballs. Borrowed parsley from my tall roommate. Worried about the amount of sugar I'm eating because it's been rice, frozen pizza, and pasta since I came here. Nutrients come from the odd handful of spinach or oatmeal. Trying to avoid soda. Think i've been overeating too.

    Need to cut my hair, buy the rest of my books, find a way to meet new people. Lots to do. My roommate's going to bring in a girl tomorrow. Same girl that didn't bother remembering my name the last time she came over. Sleeping on the couch is going to fucknig suck. Need to lock my shit down too. This journal makes me sound like some sort of pessimistic incel. How grotesque.


    Yeah, it's just been really odd. Classes are great, roommates are great, I'm just bored. Parties don't interest me and chasing tail seems exhausting. Change comes from within but I'm starting to question whether this is just another vacuum. I need to develop aspects of my life that will carry over when I'm done with this place. Still 2 years go by astonishingly quickly. Can't have any regrets. I really need to create new friendships and reanimate my hobbies.

    It's so hard to meet people though. The obvious vector is clubs, but even they meet once every few weeks. You don't really talk to people in-class and even if you do, it's a very transient experience. Little chance to come by them again.

    As far as hobbies go I'm pretty much done with gaming. Clothesmaking is the obvious one but a sewing machine is on the horizon. Manga and music are pretty difficult considering the wifi. I don't know, amybe a bit more digging.

    But overall it's simple shit. friends and hobbies. Like I'm in middle school again, battling with my neurosis. I don't have finances to worry about yet and there nothing glaringly awful about my day-today. I jsut have to start over, that's all.

    Looking back at my personal journal it's so much more eloquent and pessimistic. Isolation is not good for your health, it seems.


    The shifting, grotesque collage in my mind of what Japan was supposed to be now has occupied an advisory role in my life. And I've lived passively. Imagery of the raft comes to mind. Sunlight beaming across the deck, burning and etching its rays onto my skin, the matrix of water impossibly deep and impenetrable. I've stayed on the raft.

    I think I just don't have a healthy conception of what life is supposed to be like. I'm just not satisfied.


    i've had multiple girls talk shit about me when i'm like 4 feet away at a party

    i'm done with heterosexuality

    Interesting tidbits from class: Americans have differing values on agency and social mobility because we never underwent feudalism. Early people who settled down were faced with waterborne diseases like cholera due to issues with sanitation. The consumption of drinks like small ales inhibited growth of such pathogens, and those who had the gene to process alcohol had an evolutionary advantage. Indigenous and native peoples lack the gene to process alcohol because they were largely hunter-gatherer societies, lacking issues of sanitation. Asian societies made tea, which killed many waterborne pathogens.


    Rain boots today yo

    also finally got my beater chippewas


    Running dangerously low on groceries. oatmeal, rice and frozen meat for me. Went over to Albertsons to cop egg noodles, spinach, yogurt, etc. Got some oreos for the first time in 5+ years. Froze some Costo combo pizza. Fuck, so good. $10 too. Gave a slice to my roommate who shared his sausage pizza with me.

    With 6 guys naturally the conversation gravitates towards genetalia and self-juicing. I believe we've reached the final frontier with talks of a communal fleshlight.

    Coming from community college the lack of homework is a bit jarring. The classes and professors are great but the material isn't particularly dense pacing-wise. Haven't got my textbooks yet so i'm curious as to how supplementary they are. I'm really curious to what the people in the library are doing at the first week, surely they're not studying the syllabus? Also fuck these obscure textbooks man.

    In terms of my own self-preservation it's been odd. Not surreal as what I expected, but a "huh, this is pretty normal," kinda ordeal. One of my criticisms of suburbia was the fact that it felt like living in a vaccum. More rural than I'm used to, overflowing with students, in a location I'm wholly ignorant of, yet I've gotten used to it. My neuroticism has toned down because I have shit to do. Time will tell whether this lifestyle will become agonizingly predictable. I still have shit I want to do, connections to make. I have noticed I've been spending substancially less time with music and manga. Sucks man. Fucking around in youtube doesn't interest me that much anymore.

    I'm still really trying to go out and meet people. I've gotten fairly close with my roommates, but fuck it's still hard to meet new people. Clubs are one option that I'm going for. Work, I don't know how busy I'll be. Parties seem fairly distant and incompatible with the type of conversation I crave.

    I got a pretty bad case of acne my first week, although it's clearing up. I like dressing up but I don't feel particularly attractive anymore. My hair's a mess, my skin's a mess, and my nose has taken on some repulsive dimensions. Looking at pictures my head is very disproportionate. I'm not one to normally criticize how I look, nor am I a raging narcissist, but these past few days especially have been bad.

    So far this experience has been a pleasing surprise. Everything works out in the end, huh? Watch me meltdown in 10 weeks.


    Just applied to be a notetaker! Make money. So much to look forwards to. Visiting clubs, new boots, new classes, new clothing to make.

    Spoke with my sister about her journey dating and we bitched about how awful Japan is. Bonding over complaining is the apogee of kinship.

    Man this school goes hard on weekends.


    Got the infectious diseases class I was waitlisted in. Now I can be a slob on tuesdays and thursdays! Everything is in order for packages and ethernet too. Realized I brought my summer DIY clothing so I'll have to think of something to buy or make. Getting coldish. Getting along better with my roommates. Might head over to the library over the weekend and just lose my mind in there.

    Man this school goes hard on Fridays.


    The agonizing wait is real. Post office still isn't open so I have no idea if my boots made it, don't know what my class load is like so I can't buy fabrics or a machine. But hey, first day of class. The halls are absurdly huge, movie theater-tier. The bus system is super convenient too. The girl at the department had such nice skin, it emboldens my conviction to lather on the Rocher-Posay. Shit was like porcelain. I have an irrational fear that I smell really bad but can't notice so I'll have to be cautious with my moldy ass shower-laundered clothing.

    Was looking at some DT770's to replace my aging Panasonic RP-HTX7s.

    So far I've only spend $8, and I should be good on food for another 2 weeks or so. Cooking never gets old but we'll see how much time I can allocate towards it.

    I have a much more optimistic view of my roommates now. Some felt like they were on a completely different frequency, and that's fine. Everyone is super down to earth so I don't mind if we don't completely mesh.

    Some disturbing school alerts though.


    Weather is getting colder and the sky is flat white. I don't hate it. Should've brought more inner layers, didn't really think about cold weather clothing all that much. Curious as to what kind of fabric I'd use. Is Merino wool even available to buy in rolls? Don't know if I'll have the time to sew but I've found a few used sewing machines on Offerup. 20+ miles away.


    Finally on that povertychow. Jasmine rice beats the shit out of short-grain rice. Never understood why people would buy convenience store onigiri in Japan but it just turns out American rice is fucking horrid. Everyone else doesn't really seem to cook.


    Moved in.

    There is nothing near the campus, and even the surrounding area near the dorms is pretty limited. Prices are also high as shit. Hopefully I can keep occupied or make some friends.

    My dorm is pretty nice honestly. Modern and relatively spacious. Only met two of my six roommates. They seem to be nice guys and three of them were from my city. Crossing my fingers for a LAN party. My main concern right now is commuting and food. Haven't researched the routes yet. A quater is only 12 weeks, but I'm worried about running out. Should've brought much more rice and oats. High hopes for the costco nearby, talking about pooling money together for a membership. Will have to swing by reddit for advice on cheap meals.

    But the ants. Reminds me of our house near Tustin. Curious as to how hungry they are, because we've seen them make feeding circles near spilled water. Maybe Borax would help?

    Really aching to get back into sewing.


    No idea how I'll format this

    Holy fuck Gintama is truly unforgettable. Don't think I went past episode 250 last time (4+ years ago). Animation quality went way the fuck up, backgrounds actually have lighting, and the sound design is very impressive.

    The genderbend arc (275~277) was really something. Holy fuck Tsukuyo's male voice is like inhaling caramel. Gin and Yamazaki were uhhhhhh

    Thoroughly disappointed there was no genderbent Katsura though.

    This arc somehow manages to subvert the subversive theme of Japanese female characters being characterized as combative and physically powerful in order to avoid the trope of the submissive Mary Sue. All the genderbent female characters do (((female))) things like work at cabaret clubs. And yet it maintains a somber tone while the screen pans over the red light district. And then it manages to pull off an ending where it shuns binary gender labels? How the fuck Sorachi. I truly wonder how many Japanese viewers/readers got the message. I should go on a tangent about how it's an allegory for how binary and trope-centric Japan regards gender but nah. I got enough to worry about.

    And this arc was pretty well paced, considering I usually can't tolerate serious-ish 2+ episode arcs. Gin's voice wasn't as convincing unforuteately, the VA seemed to give it her all though.

    Move date is inching closer, debating whether to bring my sewing machine. I can source fabric online but thread and misc items will be a pain in the ass. I still have tons of ideas for jackets and shirts but no real confidence in what my schedule will look like. Also grabbed another pair of Chippewa Apaches, time to teach myself how to resole. Maybe a vibram 430?


    I have a strong tendency to only write negative reports so this will be an attempt at rehabilitation.

    Absolutely shitting myself. Moving into dorms next week, gathering my stuff. Trips to ikea and such, really wished I could grab some glassware. They should already be furnished so I have to careful with particularly large items.

    I think the anxiety stems from campus being around a relatively undeveloped, rural area. Suburbia sucks but there's a lot worse out there. It's still America after all, I guess I need to re-adjust my expectations. It's also 5+ hours away from anyone I know and with no car, that doesn't exactly stem my worries. But man just driving through Irvine was nice. I'd live there again when I'm old as shit and done with life.

    The class load should be fine except for all 4 finals being on the same day. The library was really fucking nice though. 8 floors of old, obscure books. The campus also isn't that large, which was a giant plus. If I start working again that's another time consideration. Temperatures should be lower than I'm used to so I'm excited to be able to wear cold weather clothing again.

    I guess there's just a lot to think about. Classes, commuting, food, tuition costs, keeping sane. Hopefully my roommates are good guys.

    Been watching a ton of Gintama lately. Man were some of the earlier episodes animated badly. The show doesn't really look any better from 480~1080p either, but It's as great as I remember it. At the time I was asking myself how Jump would publish something so thoroughly saturated with dirty jokes but look at the magazine now. One of the recent covers was crowned wih the series title "My husband's cock won't fit in me." No wonder Jump is only read by old salarymen now. I'll probably do a whole page on Gintama later on, but it's still in my top 5 all-time favorites.

    As far as clothing goes I'm still after Red Wing Postmans. Ebay listings for used White's boots also popped up for a staggering $30. They seem to be "uncraftables," or boots that are too far gone to be resoled or remade in any cost-effective way. Lots of wear with usually a hole in the tongue, but should be just fine for fucking around. I'm waiting for a non-steel toe logger to pop up. I also really love my Chippewa Apaches so I'm after another beater pair. Beats the shit out of cheap sneakers.

    Also considering buying more linen for shirtmaking. The Linen/Rayon blend just isn't the same. Also looking for African/Native American print fabrics, although for shirtmaking they would have to be synthetic dyes. NAtural dyes are just fine for outerwear that won't experience many washes.